


idol boy

by laiguanlins



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Humor, Idol!Jihoon, Lots of Angst, M/M, Multi, PanWink - Freeform, Unrequited Crush, best friends au, deephwi are cute, deephwi help panwink, idol!jinyoung, jinhwi, laji, linhoon, panhwi are best friends, yeeeee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-06 03:57:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12203412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laiguanlins/pseuds/laiguanlins
Summary: It felt like just yesterday Park Jihoon was laying next to him, kissing him. Yet reality proved that Lai Guanlin was now nothing but a fan amongst the thousands of others, and once best friend of Park Jihoon





	1. behind a screen

**Author's Note:**

> NEW FIC YOOO HOPE U GUYS ENJOY IT LMAO PLEASE LEAVE KUDOS BOOKMARK THIS BC ITLL BE CHAPTERED SUBSCRIBEE N LEAVE FEEDBACK IT HELPS ME UPDATE AAA my twt is @guanlinsjihoon if u wanna be friends u know

_“Park Jihoon, you won’t forget about me when you become a superstar right? You’ll still keep contact, right? Maybe one day we can be together, but I’ll always be supporting you through the screen” Guanlin smiled sadly, fingers locked with his best friend’s for the very last time feeling the warmth, cherishing it until Jihoon would be minutes away from his departure_

 

_“You do know how much I love you Guanlin, right? I can’t forget about the most important person in my life, I doubt I’ll debut or let alone become popular, but if a miracle happens and I do, nothing will stop me from taking to my best friend..” Jihoon whispered, breath ghosting over Guanlin’s neck, the younger trying his best to hold in the tears threatening to spill, instead holding onto his best friend as tightly as he could_

_”Please never forget about me”_

 

_“Never, baby”_

 

 

_But Park Jihoon did forget about Guanlin, he never kept his word_

 

 

+

 

_January 2016_

 

”Isn’t this weird to you? Just kissing and not like talking about it?” Jihoon muttered as Guanlin played with his hair on his bed, sprawled out, “like best friends who just kiss?” the smaller boy continued, furrowing his eyesbrows in confusion. “Why, do you want to be something more?” Guanlin raised his brows, genuinely curious to whether or not his best friend wanted whatever they were doing to have a title 

 

Clearly it made Jihoon embarrassed, seeing the boy with flushed cheeks, stuttering, “I m-mean l-like if y-you want, I j-just” Guanlin laughed, pressing his lips onto Jihoon’s fingers, each and every one of them, “Park Jihoon, are you indicating that you’d like to be my boyfriend?” the Taiwanese boy grinned, staring at the boy laid out on his chest lovingly, “are you asking me out?” Jihoon answered with a question, turning to sit on Guanlin’s lap

 

”That’s debatable, I dunno if I could date a feisty one like you..” Guanlin smirked, seeing the small boy roll his eyes, “stop being so complicated and fucking ask me out Guanlin” Jihoon demanded, growing relentless, of course he wanted Guanlin to be his boyfriend 

 

He didn’t like kissing in a relationship he doesn’t have a title of, he didn’t like kissing Guanlin knowing he won’t be his only kiss, because they were just best friends. Jihoon didn’t want Guanlin kissing anyone else, or finding anyone else. He wanted Guanlin all for himself, yet he was nervous to ever speak up 

 

“Park Jihoon, will you be my girlfriend?”

 

”Guanlin-“

 

After 5 minutes of laughing for no reason, Guanlin stopped to wipe his tears away, pressing his lips onto Jihoon’s frowning ones, feeling the smaller boy become less tense 

 

“Park Jihoon, will you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?”

 

”Yes you fucking asshole” Jihoon scowled, eagerly pressing his lips onto the younger’s lips, feeling the boy shake under him with giggles spilling out his mouth into the kiss 

 

“You still didn’t answer if you wanted to be my girlfriend, which is very rude to keep someone waiting-“

 

”Guanlin I’m gonna spit in your mouth”

 

”Kinky”

 

+

 

_January 2016_

 

Guanlin and Jihoon believed they were great actors, thinking no one would catch on with their secret relationship. They were very wrong

 

The realization had knocked senses into them one day when Jihoon’s grandma kept eyeing the two boys who were playing video games together on the couch

 

Whenever Guanlin would stare at Jihoon for too long, eyes especially fixed on the boy’s pink lips, Guanlin felt the old lady’s eyes burn through his soul 

 

“I think your grandma knows something-“ Guanlin hissed into his boyfriend’s ear in an alerting tone. Jihoon removed his eyes from the game, pausing it to cock his head to the side, staring at Guanlin with a confused look. If Jihoon’s grandma wasn’t just two feet away from them, Guanlin would not hesitate to kiss the shorter male, instead resisting himself 

 

 

“What do you mean by ‘she knows something?’” Jihoon whispered back, bringing his face closer to Guanlin’s, _fuck move your face, your grandma keeps staring!_ Was what raced through Guanlin’s mind, backing away awkwardly, instead toppling over the couch, falling on his ass, “Guanlin what the hell?” the elder asked in a ‘are you fucking crazy?’ tone, instead of lending him a hand

 

”You know, fucking helping me get up would be nice thanks” Guanlin murmured, with Jihoon standing over his body, finally pulling him back up, both losing balance until they fell back onto the couch on top of one another 

 

“Aish...get married you two” Jihoon’s grandmother spoke up, rolling her eyes as Jihoon and Guanlin jerked their heads up in shock, still on top of one another

 

”H-halmeoni w-what?” Jihoon stuttered, quickly pushing Guanlin off him carelessly, hearing Guanlin curse profanities under his breath. But that wasn’t the point right now, because his grandma had just told them to get married, she could be joking most likely, but you never know. “I may be seconds away from death-“ his grandma joked, Jihoon frowning when she spoke like that, “but you’re not fooling me. Something is going on between you two right?” 

 

 

Jihoon would never lie to his grandma, suddenly going to panic mode as he felt his heart nearly about to tug out his chest. Guanlin was just as shocked, gasping when he heard the old lady speak, “w-we’re best friends, halmeoni“ Jihoon gulped, eyes glued to the floor. “Park Jihoon, my grandson is no idiot, you know what I meant, are you two a couple?”

 

 

What shocked Guanlin the most was how calm Jihoon’s grandma sounded, feeling his shoulders relax. He expected the old lady to be disgusted as she speculated, or worse, curse Jihoon out, say vile things, but instead she sounded curious, and nothing along the lines of disgust was laced within her voice. _Maybe not all people were bad,_ Guanlin thought, a small smile playing on his lips 

 

 

But was Jihoon ready to come forward and tell the truth? Guanlin and Jihoon vowed to keep their relationship as secret as possible, it wasn’t because they were ashamed, it was simply because they were afraid. If their parents would find out, chances of Guanlin seeing Jihoon were low, and none of them could risk that

 

_Guanlin later found out that someone did risk it_

 

”Halmeoni...uhm, I-“ Jihoon stopped, collecting his thoughts to pick out the right choice of words, he couldn’t exactly just say that Guanlin was his boyfriend, “be short and clear Jihoon, I’m the last person to judge”

 

 

Maybe those were the words that made Jihoon feel at ease, relaxing his shoulders, feeling Guanlin’s hands slip into his, squeezing them reassuringly

 

”Yes, _we are_ a couple”

 

Never would have Jihoon thought he’d tell anyone about his relationship with Guanlin, he was expecting it to be kept a hidden secret for as long as they could. Never would have Jihoon thought the first person he’d tell and be accepted by would be his grandmother

 

”Guanlin-ah, are you happy with him?” Jihoon’s grandma asked, making Guanlin snap his head up, brisk with his answer, the words flowing out easily, “of course I am! We’re still best friends, but we just uhm, how to put it-“ the younger becoming flustered from the topic of discussing his relationship with her grandson 

 

”Guanlin, I’m not stupid, you two kiss and whatnot, it’s okay” the old lady laughed, seeing Guanlin’s cheeks tint shades of red, “r-right, but I am happy, I love Jihoon hyung a lot” the Taiwanese boy whispered with a smile, backhugging his boyfriend, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck 

 

 

“I hope he never leaves me..” Jihoon lightheartedly laughed, intertwining his hands with Guanlin’s sitting next to his grandma 

 

 

_Jihoon was the one who left Guanlin_

 

+

 

_March 2016_

 

“Do you think I’m sexy?” Jihoon asked Guanlin, who looked up at the smaller boy raising his brows at the sudden and random question, “uh no?”

 

_smack_

 

”So you think I’m ugly don’t you?” the elder boy scoffed, launching pillows at Guanlin, who kept ducking each one of them, “no baby, I just think you’re cute, sexy isn’t the word to define you, by the way, why are you asking me this?”

 

 

Jihoon asked because he felt insecure ever since his co-worker made comments about how he looked feminine. So overall Jihoon wanted to look masculine, instead of being seen as the baby faced boy he is. Plus, recently he’d been having interests for auditioning to become an idol, the chances may be low, but one day he’d like to audition. And his goal was to look the best he could, since looks won over talent, “no reason”

 

The curt answer only made Guanlin narrow his eyes at his boyfriend, “I’m serious, why do you ask?”

 

”What if I wanted to be like a singer or dancer or something? My looks wouldn’t be good enough, and I just get annoyed because people always say I have a baby face, or it’s too feminine..” Jihoon mumbled, drawling out his words, slumping back on Guanlin’s chest 

 

 

Guanlin knew Jihoon just thought of the idea, that he wouldn’t actually go for an audition, because there was absolutely no way. Yet it still made his stomach churn, scared that if Jihoon ever gained serious interest, he may lose his boyfriend, holding onto Jihoon tighter, pressing kisses down the elder’s jaw 

 

“First of all, you wouldn’t suit being a built boy, you’d literally look like an ugly minecraft block, besides, your cute face is what attracted me a lot when we first met at school. I was like ‘shit why’s my heart fluttering for that boy with the chubby cheeks, shouldn’t I be swooning over girls?’ So I don’t know why you’d let other’s words get to you, you’re perfectly fine the way you are baby boy” Jihoon always believed everything Guanlin said, always shocked at how well Guanlin was with his words, especially for his young age, he was extremely mature. Not only that, Jihoon remembers how much the younger struggled to converse in Korean when they first met 5 years ago, yet he was practically a native now 

 

 

“You know there’s no one else in the world I would trade you for” Jihoon smiled affectionately, leaning up to sweetly kiss his boyfriend, “not even Taehyung?” Guanlin murmured into the kiss, grinning whenever Jihoon sighed

 

”Not even Taehyung, _you’re one of a kind and one in a million, Lai Guanlin_ ”

 

+

 

 _July 2016_  

 

”You’re gonna message me though, right?” Guanlin bit his nails nervously, hearing his boyfriend tell him the news. Jihoon has actually signed up to audition for an idol company, he actually did it

 

 

Of course Guanlin was happy, he wanted nothing more than to see his boyfriend successful and happy doing what his heart falls on, but he never thought the day would come. He couldn’t the bear the thought of being more than 2 miles away from his boyfriend. It ached him, he wanted to throw up

 

”G-Guanlin, you know how they are, the companies. I’ll always try my b-best” Jihoon spoke sadly, throat growing dry from talking to Guanlin. This wasn’t easy for him, being away from the most important person in his life, the boy he’s shared his first genuine kiss with. This boy was his best friend, his main priority

 

How would Jihoon even find the words, the courage or gut to break up with the boy who gave him a reason to smile everyday. The boy who made him stop feeling like a burden, the boost of confidence 

 

“W-why do I feel like that’s not the only thing you have to say..?” Guanlin whispered, worry laced within his voice as his eyes bored into Jihoon’s, “baby, why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost? Am I _that_ pale?” the younger joked, laughing nervously when Jihoon didn’t reply, holding his hand

 

_“Guanlin we can’t be together anymore”_

 

If Guanlin could describe the feeling of hundreds of knives being stabbed into your chest multiple times, those words probably hurt him more. Guanlin knew Jihoon loved him, he knew the elder cherished him. But it was clear that Guanlin loved him more, because Jihoon accepted and took him in more than anyone else 

 

Jihoon was his first for many things, Jihoon was the most important aspect in his life, the first person he called every morning, the first person he called when he wanted to relapse. Jihoon was his main priority, so he never would have thought that boy would be the one saying those words. Guanlin was silent, hearing the boy speak 

 

“I-If I’m going to be away, I don’t want you waiting for me, who knows when I’ll be able to contact-uhm y-you, and I can’t let you go through t-that. You deserve someone who’ll always be there, and I can’t promise you t-that right now” Jihoon breathed out in a shaky voice, lips quivering, feeling like he was ready to burst into tears. Guanlin didn’t care about distance, he just wanted to be Jihoon’s always 

 

“B-baby we could do this, we don’t have to t-talk everyday, I’ll go through anything t-to make sure-long distance can wor-“

 

”No Guanlin. I can’t let you sit here and wait for a call from me for who knows when. Nothing is definite, you deserve better, someone who’ll comfort you when you need it, I love you so much, and you know that. You know you’re the only one for me, and that’s why I needed to say this, because I could never keep anything from you. Guanlin you tend to rely on people a lot, you’re emotional, and I can’t be that shoulder for you to cry on, find someone better...I know you w-will” Jihoon choked out, breath hitching at the thought of Guanlin with someone else who wasn’t him

 

But he couldn’t hold onto Guanlin for his selfish reasons, he needed to free Guanlin so he could find someone better and someone to depend on

 

”You’ll still always be my best friend right?” Guanlin whispered, biting his lip to prevent the tears from spilling

 

”Always, fuck, always Guanlin” Jihoon breathed out, feeling a tear slip down his cheek, “Guanlin, can you kiss me one last time?”

 

He didn’t hesitate, didn't think for a second, immediately leaning in to crash his lips onto Jihoon’s, their lips moving in sync like it always did, the softness, sweetness and warmth always causing Jihoon to be weak at knees. Jihoon didn’t care, he let the tears flow neverending, neither did Guanlin care, pressing his body against Jihoon’s, letting his fingers graze over Jihoon’s wet cheeks, wiping away the tears slowly, replacing them with soft pecks

 

”D-don’t cry, _this isn’t_ goodbye-“ Guanlin whispered into the kiss, slightly doubting his own words, dragging his tongue along Jihoon’s bottom lip, hearing the smaller boy whimper in response, opening his mouth to let Guanlin taste him one last time. Jihoon never wanted to stop this, never wanted to stop feeling Lai Guanlin against him. But reality hit him, that’s exactly what was doomed to happen

 

Guanlin touched Jihoon like he was fragile glass ready to shatter from the gentlest of touches, always careful, letting his fingers trace Park Jihoon’s face one final time, cupping his cheeks to deepen the kiss. At these moments Guanlin forgot the rest of the world surrounding them, it was just him and his best friend, their own little world drowned out by the intimate moments. Everything drained out, it was just the two of them

 

”Don’t forget about me Jihoon”

 

“I won’t, _ever_ ”

 

_Jihoon forgot about him_

 

+

 

Nearly a year since Park Jihoon forgot about Guanlin. The Taiwanese boy still cried himself to sleep on most nights, thinking where he’d went wrong, if he actually meant everything to Jihoon. If Jihoon lied to him 

 

Park Jihoon was nothing but a beautiful memory to him, someone he used to kiss and laugh with, someone who is now only seen through a screen

 

All Guanlin knew was, just a year ago he used to hold the boy who was now South Korea’s sweetheart, debuted. The same smile he fell in love with was admired by thousands of others, Jihoon was no longer his exclusive baby

 

Park Jihoon was everyone else’s and Guanlin was no longer special, Jihoon probably doesn’t think of Guanlin either. And that’s what made Guanlin sad, only a few half ass messages sent for three months, and then Park Jihoon was no longer found

 

He was an idol, and Guanlin could only watch amongst the thousands of other fans. He missed his best friend

 

”I can’t believe Bae Jinyoung exists! I just can’t believe it, he is out there breathing and I can’t even meet him? Guanlin we have to go to JJ’s fansign, please we have to!” Daehwi begged, practically bouncing on his bed

 

 

After Jihoon was permanently erased from his life, Lee Daehwi walked in like the angel he was befriending Guanlin. He wasn’t anything like Park Jihoon, but then again, no one was. He didn’t have the round cheeks like Park Jihoon, the same ones he’d caress and kiss, he didn’t have the same soft lips Jihoon had. 

 

Daehwi didn't wear the shy smile Jihoon always had, Daehwi was naturally bright and constantly charismatic. 

 

 

_No one could replace Park Jihoon, but Park Jihoon could replace anyone_

 

 

Guanlin also stored away all his pictures or any association of Jihoon away. Daehwi never learned that the idol he looks up to, was once Guanlin’s boyfriend, best friend. The missing part of his life. 

 

 

“I’m not going to those shitty fansigns with annoying ass screaming fangirls, plus those boys aren’t even that great, so why waste money?” Guanlin rolled his eyes, bitterly speaking. Yet he meant nothing of it, even though he had pain in his heart, anger towards Park Jihoon, he’d never deny that the boy was talented

 

Jihoon had always been gifted with talents, it’s why Guanlin recalls becoming infatuated with the elder, always admiring him for whatever he did. But it didn’t change the fact that Guanlin was hurt 

 

Clearly Daehwi was offended, scoffing at the younger boy, “not that great? Asshole they’re really fucking great! Bae Jinyoung could run me over for all I care, he deserves the world seriously, gosh I love his cute small face, god I wonder how his hands feel like! Oh my go-“

 

”Shut up! You’re crazy, that’s it, you are crazy!” Guanlin rubbed at his head, breathing hard 

 

 

“You don’t understand how amazing they are, you’d even like Park Jihoon a lot, you guys are kind of like the same person-“ Daehwi laughed, shaking his head, “you’re judging someone you don’t even know”

 

 

 

_Little did Daehwi know that Lai Guanlin knew Park Jihoon more than anyone_


	2. keep losing you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating as frequently i’ve been either down or stressed but here! i’ll try to update more enjoy this?? PLEASE LEAVE KUDOS FEEDBAXK BOOKMARK FOR MORE UPDATES BC I WILL UPDATE SOON AAANSSS my twt is @guanlinsjihoon if u wanna yell at me

“Why do you look so scared? Did you see your selfies or something?” Jinyoung joked beside Jihoon who was lost in thought, spaced out in their dressing rooms, “shut the fuck up” Jihoon snapped back, scoffing as he went back to rehearsing their new choreo

 

Nearly after a year, Jihoon would be back in his hometown. Back into the place where Lai Guanlin lived, but Jihoon managed to slip out his life. Not a single day passed by without Jihoon regretting leaving behind his once boyfriend, the boy he fell in love with and still loves, his best friend. He would trade his career peak just to have Lai Guanlin back in his arms

 

But he was a year too late 

 

 

_August 2016_

 

”I miss you so much, laugh at me if you want but I seriously feel like I’ve lost half my heart” Guanlin spoke the last time Jihoon had an opportunity to sneak a call, cherishing every second hearing the boy’s velvety voice through the other end of the line, voice evident with despair. It broke Jihoon’s heart, and he definitely wasn’t going to laugh, he felt just the same. 

 

From being constantly hip to hip with the Taiwanese boy, the boy he fell in love with, to half ass texts and calls, mostly from Jihoon sneaking, he himself felt like there were many missing parts from him

 

Jihoon missed his boyfr- _best friend_  

 

Guanlin would have still been his boyfriend if he hadn’t taken up the offer to become an idol, yet no hardship of being a trainee could compare to the pain he felt from being separated from the most important person in his life. Was this choice worth it?

 

 

It was too late to contemplate either way, he was a trainee, he’s signed a contract, he has no control of anything basically. 

 

 

“So why exactly do you want me to cover for you- _oh wait,_ does Jihoonie have a girlfriend back home?” a trainee teased the short male, smirking as Jihoon felt his shoulders tense. Quite laughable and ironic at how that was completely the opposite of what the boy was implying, Jihoon just wanted to know if his best friend once boyfriend was doing well. He promised Guanlin to stay in touch, but sending a message every three days if he was lucky wasn’t fulfilling the promise 

 

 

“Just fucking cover for me okay?” He missed Guanlin’s voice, bare messages weren’t doing for Jihoon, he needed to hear his best friend’s deep silky voice, he needed to feel the comfort from Guanlin’s child like laughter. It made Jihoon ache at how badly he desired for the Taiwanese boy

 

As soon as he’d gotten covered, Jihoon opened his phone, wanting to cry at the sight.

 

89 messages from Linnie

 

_From: Linnie_

_ August 7 _

 

_Hey! :) I hope trainee life isn’t killing you  
_

_I was looking at our pictures, I can’t stop smiling_

_I really miss holding your hand_

_I miss seeing your stupid pretty face_

_There’s a new boy in my school_

_He doesn’t make me happy like you do._

 

From reading each message, Jihoon felt his breath hitch in his throat, clutching onto his phone, feeling a tear drop onto the screen. He kept on reading, feeling his tears stream

 

_ August 8 _

_I miss kissing you_

_Miss hearing you laugh, Jihoon I miss you so much_

_I hope you reply soon, I know it’s hard_

_Take care of yourself baby_

 

_ August 10 _

 

_Those stupid nightmares came back, I wish you were here to hold me like you always did_

_My bed feels much colder without you next to me, in my arms_

_Please respond soon_

 

_ August 11 _

 

_I really fucking miss you, I hate this_

_Park Jihoon stop hurting me, please reply_

_Take care of yourself sweetheart, those companies can be cruel, eat as much as you can, I know you skip meals a lot_

_I love you, always_

 

_ August 12 _

 

_I miss you so much_

_Do you think of me? I hope you do, because you’re all I think about_

_I love you so much Park Jihoon_

 

It was August 22, the day Jihoon could finally text his best friend. He hadn’t realized how hot his cheeks had become, his whole face red, wet with never ending tears, regaining his composure to type a response. But no words came to mind, how do you reply to someone after all these days 

 

Slowly grazing his fingers over the keyboard, a loud bang came from the door, “Park Jihoon get out!” a trainee yelled, making Jihoon jump in surprise from the loud abrupt noise. His phone fell into the toilet

 

_Jihoon lost his only way to contact Lai Guanlin_

 

+

 

“When Jinyoung sees me, he’s going to fall in love, I just know it!” Daehwi gushed, dragging a quite bored and uninterested Guanlin through the racks of clothes. Somehow the Lee Daehwi convinced Guanlin to attend the shitty fanmeet. Park Jihoon the person he desired to meet and be with just a few months ago, now someone he dreaded to see any association of

 

But you couldn't blame Guanlin, the boy broke his heart and forgot about him because fame changed him. Guanlin knew it was doomed to happen, he just never thought his insecurities would become a cruel reality, a slap in the face

 

Every corner he walked towards, there were always posters of the boy he used to once kiss. Park Jihoon this, Park Jihoon that! Nation’s Wink Boy, you name it, Guanlin was tired of seeing it all. It only reminded him of how easily he was forgettable and replaceable, made him wonder if his love for Park Jihoon was just one sided 

 

“He’s gonna throw up when he sees you, his small head won’t not be able to handle all of-“ Guanlin dramatically gestured at Daehwi, seeing the boy frown and gasp in an offended tone, “you” 

 

“What the fuck do you mean ‘all of you?’ You’re such a dickhead, he’s gonna fall in love with me, you’re mad because neither Bae Jinyoung or Park Jihoon would have eyes for a prick like you, Lai Guanlin”

 

All Guanlin could think of was, what Daehwi didn’t know couldn’t harm him. Because after all, _no one had eyes for Lai Guanlin besides Park Jihoon_

 

+

 

 

“And this is for you, I heard Americans go crazy for this crap” Jinyoung spoke, seating himself beside a tired and worn out Jihoon. It was crazy how a simple drink from starbucks managed to make Jihoon’s heart drop in an instant

 

_”I used to get this in LA all the time, you’ll love it asshole-“ Guanlin grinned, reciting his large order to himself, making Jihoon roll his eyes at how extra the younger boy could be, replaced by a smile because Guanlin was endearing and cute, “Guanlin that looks like frozen cum” Jihoon tilted his head to the side from seeing the drink being made, pinching the bridge of his nose_

_”Only someone as disgusting as you would compare a vanilla bean frappachino to nut” the younger pronounced quickly in English, the words rolling perfectly off his tongue. Jihoon wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he found the way Guanlin spoke English extremely attractive, “I don’t know what you said”_

_”Sweetheart-“ the taller boy turned to face Jihoon, gummy smile placed on his pretty red lips, “va-h-nih-lah bean frah-pah-chee-noh,” the boy slowly pronounced for Jihoon to cooperate, “say it hyung”_

_It made Jihoon blush, always feeling insecure about his accent, the way Guanlin was great at several languages, thinking his minimal English couldn’t compare to the younger’s, and that he’d get laughed at, “N-no thanks”_

_”Baby please...” Guanlin whispered in Jihoon’s ear, and Jihoon could practically feel the smirk, cheeks growing rosy from the close proximity of Guanlin’s warmth breath tickling down his neck, backing up quickly, “just order your stupid nut in a cup and leave me alone”_

 

_”You’re so fucking cute, I’m gonna shower you with all my kisses when we get back home-“_

 

 

_”I’ll spit on you”_

 

_”That’s hot, but nasty since I’m hygienic,” his boyfriend teased, shaking his head to place his order_

 

_”Okay drink this-“ Guanlin intently watched his boyfriend eyeing the drink cautiously, before taking a sip of it_

 

_”Guanlin this is literally a cup of diabetes, it’s too sweet” Jihoon scrunched his nose up, pushing the drink aside, scowling when Guanlin recorded his reaction_

 

_”You’re sweeter baby”_

 

”Earth to Park Jihoon, why’re your eyes watery?” Jihoon’s flash of memory was snapped away from Jinyoung frantically waving his hands in front of his face. Everything reminded him of Guanlin. He yearned for the boy even after all the months, Lai Guanlin will always be the one

 

“Nothing, just got emotional thinking of my mother-“ _A lie._ Jihoon missed Lai Guanlin only, he wouldn’t even hesitate to say he missed the boy more than his own mother, that’s how much he desired for the younger boy. And here is, sat in the town and cafe him and his boyfriend used to be together, now all a facade of his memory

 

+

 

It was safe to say that Guanlin was ready to shoot Daehwi, perhaps himself instead too. For the past two hours the blonde head forced him and dragged him to shop for clothes, to look presentable for some stupid boy who’ll never think of him ever, “he literally won’t even look at you or remember you, why’re you doing all of this?”

 

”He’ll remember me! I wrote a long heartfelt letter, you’re so annoying, let me enjoy and be excited for someone I really enjoy supporting and love..” Daehwi pouted, setting his bags aside to sit on Guanlin’s bed. Guanlin may have been a bit rude the whole time, but only he knew why. Park Jihoon was the only person running through his mind like a nightmare he wanted to get rid of, he was anxious to possibly see the boy

 

He didn’t want to be seen by Jihoon, probably doubts the boy would even notice him, it was always laughable at the situation he was in. Practically a ‘fan’ of his ex boyfriend, amongst thousands of other fangirls, also a sad reality. But now his attention was drawn to the boy beside him, who frowned like no other, “Jinyoung makes me really happy, he used to be so unconfident, like his eyes were glued to the floor, but he’s grown to be comfortable and happy, and I really admire him you know? I’m sorry if I was being over the top-“

 

 

”No Daehwi, I’m sorry for being a dickhead, there’s nothing wrong with you being obsessed-“ Shrinking when Daehwi scowled at him with a glare too, changing his choice of words, “dedicated towards an idol, so yeah I hope he notices you today, cause I know he will, no one could forget a bright person like you...” Guanlin tried to force a smile, heart sinking at the thought of Jihoon

 

”Great! Let’s learn their fanchants then!” The blonde clapped, making Guanlin gape at how quickly his moods shifted. But then Guanlin felt his own mood shift once he heard a voice he’s dreaded to hear from the boy’s voice 

 

“Hello I’m Park Jihoon! Naemam soge jeojang!”

 

_If only the world knew that Park Jihoon was literally tattooed in Lai Guanlin’s heart_

 

+

 

1 hour of having to hear and see Park Jihoon through a screen, Guanlin didn’t realize his throat became dry, eyes watery, as he excused himself to the restroom. If he couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the boy he fell in love with through a screen, how would he be when they’re in the same room once again, after a year?

 

Staring back at him was the reflection of a tired boy, Guanlin was tired. He was tired of waiting for months to get a text back from his best friend, tired of loving Park Jihoon, but it wasn’t hard to let go of something so beautiful. Park Jihoon was so beautiful, and together they were much more beautiful. Guanlin missed his bright self when his boyfriend was around, now all that was left were beautiful memories. 

 

His heart only paced quicker, becoming anxious from the thought of being in the same room as Park Jihoon in nearly three hours, palms becoming sweaty, he wanted to cry

 

_”Come on stop joking around, if you’re serious hyung, I promise you that you can sing really good then!” Guanlin whined, straddling Jihoon on his lap, cupping the smaller boy’s cheeks, “Yah! Shut up, I’m not good, you only hype me to get more kisses-“ Jihoon narrowed his eyes, knowing he’d caught Guanlin, shaking his head when the younger began to blush, “it still doesn’t change the fact that you have the potential to be a singer”  
_

 

_”Lai Guanlin you’re about to have the potential to not receive any kisses from me”_

 

_“Fuck you. We both know you can’t resist my charms, my smile, my lips...” the Taiwanese boy wiggled his brows, pressing his lips onto his boyfriend’s, sighing into the kiss as Jihoon carded his small fingers through his hair, grinning into the kiss, “you should become an idol, get rich and be my sugar boyfriend” the younger whispered into the kiss, earning a smack from Jihoon_

 

_”Lai Guanlin-“ the smaller boy pulled away, looking at him sternly, “If I become an idol, who’s gonna take care of my baby?”_

 

_“I can take care of myself”_

 

_”I was talking about my dog, Guanlin”_

 

_”Honestly fuck you bastard-“ Guanlin sneered, reconnecting their lips for another chaste and slow kiss, leaving a trail of pecks down his boyfriend’s chubby cheeks, “actually never become an idol, I don’t want my boyfriend any more than 10 feet away from me”_

 

And yet reality was that Guanlin didn’t even know how far Jihoon was actually away from him 

 

+

 

“Can you at least pretend to enjoy being here? Damn I thought you’d be overjoyed to be back in your hometown-“ Jinyoung murmured beside Jihoon, only 5 minutes until they’d go on stage, ready for their fansign

 

Jihoon couldn’t be excited, he was back to Lai Guanlin, except he wasn’t. The boy was so close to him, yet he wasn’t. He knew he was going crazy, but something in his senses made him feel like Guanlin was near him, but instead Jihoon laughed at himself, how ridiculous 

 

Guanlin would never want to look at him, because all he did was hurt him at the end, and neither of them could forgive Jihoon. He wanted to run away from the fansign, run to his home, wanted to past to come back, where Jihoon would always find Guanlin sprawled out on his bed after he returned from school, the way Guanlin always welcomed Jihoon with a slow and sweet kiss, massaging him, making sure he ate

 

He wanted the days when he’d climb through Guanlin’s window just to cuddle with him, as they’d kiss under the covers and giggle at their stupidity and secrecy

 

So no, being back home only made the beautiful memories he could never have come back, heart sinking with the growing pit in his stomach 

 

+

 

”Daehwi I’m going home” Guanlin wanted to throw up, he was inside the venue with Daehwi, and there was far too much Park Jihoon around him than he’d like it to be, everywhere were banners and posters of the boy he used to hold and kiss

 

He just paid to have a glimpse of the boy he used to come home to every day

 

”They’re coming, they're coming!” Daehwi flailed his arms around, shutting Guanlin up, who genuinely was about to throw up. Because in a few seconds and steps will be standing the actual Park Jihoon

 

And then there he was, after one year of losing contact of the boy he saw in every corner, only behind screens and on paper, was stood a few feet away from him. The lump in Guanlin’s throat kept growing, biting down on his lip from preventing any tears, because Park Jihoon looked more beautiful than before, but he didn’t look happy either

 

Guanlin knew his best friend most transparent than anyone, and right now in his eyes were nothing but tiredness and sadness. Guanlin wish he never met Park Jihoon

 

+

 

”Can you please drop the dull attitude and smile for the fucking crowd-“ Jinyoung hissed in Jihoon’s ear as they stood on stage, smiling at the screaming girls 

 

Amongst the girls, Jinyoung’s eyes went straight to seeing a beaming boy in the crowd with a picket of his face, bouncing on his spot as he clung onto a tall pale boy. He was cute, Jinyoung thought, smiling to himself as he saw the blonde boy make eye contact with him, slowly ducking his head away

 

He swore the boy was brighter than the sun, looking back up to seeing the boy lean and smile onto his friend’s shoulder, who didn’t seem as enthusiastic as him

 

Whilst Jinyoung observed the boy who caught his eye, Jihoon couldn’t stop thinking about Guanlin. Something in him kept telling him that Guanlin was near, he sounded like a maniac, but he sensed the boy around him

 

Fidgeting around, as his eyes scanned the crowd, he swore he felt the whole world stop once his eyes landed on the same tall lanky pale figure he used to sleep with, used to kiss, hold hands with, share all his deepest secrets with, laugh and cry with

 

Lai Guanlin was in front of him after a year, and Jihoon wanted to run down, wanted to cry because his best friend looked much more beautiful, he missed Guanlin so much, he didn’t notice a tear dropping down his cheek, “wah Park Jihoon must be emotional from all the support here!” the mc spoke, but Jihoon’s attention was elsewhere, breathing heavily as his eyes were glued to the beautiful boy he couldn’t hold 

 

Jihoon ignored the unfamiliar male who clung onto his best friend, ignoring the pit in his stomach, no one touches Guanlin like that, no one besides him, but he’s left Guanlin for so long

 

And then Lai Guanlin’s eyes met Jihoon’s stare, both knew. They both knew they saw each other, both were aware of the situation, both were aware that they now knew of each other’s existence. So that’s why Guanlin ran, and he never looked back 

 

 

 

_Park Jihoon lost Lai Guanlin again_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bro


	3. remember me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY IF I DIED BUT FUCKDKDKD THIS CHAOTER YEOEOOE PLS BOOKMARK BC ILL UPDATE MORE OFTEN KUDOS N LEAVE FEEDBACK BC RHEY HELP ME UPDATE SHAJSJSJAJ MY TWT IS @guanlinsjihoon IF U WANNA YELL AT ME

_February 2016_

_”Jihoon please stop crying, look I’m here and safe...” Guanlin stifled back a laugh, reaching out to hold the smaller boy in his arms, “baby please...”_

_Jihoon wasn’t comforted, sniffing hard as he clutched onto Guanlin, fisting his small hands into the taller boy’s chest, attempting to be angry, “y-you had me so worried, I thought something b-bad happened t-to y-you,” the smaller boy stopped to furiously wipe his tears away, “if anything bad happened to you, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, don’t scare me l-like that!”_

_Guanlin’s heart softened, pressing soft kisses on his boyfriend’s tears, rubbing comforting circles down his back, “I’m sorry if I worried you to this point, I just wanted to surprise you..”_

_It was their one month anniversary, and maybe texting Jihoon that he was about to get stabbed in a dark alley wasn’t the most smart idea, but it still got Jihoon to him, turning down to see Jihoon shooting daggers at him, “pull something like this again and I swear we won’t have two month anniversary” the older boy threatened, narrowing his eyes at Guanlin, who seemed unbothered and unthreatened_

 

_“No one celebrates two month anniversaries anyways dipshit”_

 

_”Eat shit” Jihoon shot back, smacking the taller boy’s chest_

 

 

_“Park Jihoon...are you granting me the honor to eat you?”_

 

It’s as if Guanlin’s blood circulation, the air in his lungs all stopped as soon as he was aware of the boy he’s been dreaded to see looking at him. He hated to admit it, but Jihoon looked effortlessly beautiful, but he wasn’t the same beautiful. He wasn’t the pretty boy Guanlin used to kiss all night, hold onto and love, this boy was different and it made Guanlin upset

 

This Jihoon didn’t have the cheeks Guanlin used to fondle over, the cheeks he used to squish until Jihoon would swat his hand away but still knaw at the touch, this wasn’t the same Jihoon. The boy looked tired, he looked upset, even after all these days Guanlin could read Park Jihoon like an open book

 

 

Jihoon lost a lot of weight, it’s the one thing Guanlin never wanted Jihoon to do, he always made sure his boyfr- best friend ate to the fullest, admiring the way Jihoon’s cheekbones would puff out, pinching them. Even though he was mad at Park Jihoon, he never wished for Jihoon to stop being healthy, he doesn’t want to see a Park Jihoon with a six-pack, he wants to see the boy who used to pat his stomach, making stupid noises, he wants Park Jihoon to be happy

 

Far too deep in his thoughts, Guanlin hadn’t noticed a faint yell behind him. Lee Daehwi.

 

”Guanlin! Guanlin! You fucker-!” the blonde boy jogged his way, pacing with Guanlin who kept walking forward, “hey asshole!” 

 

 

Guanlin felt bad for leaving, but no one but himself would understand the aching feeling of seeing your once boyfriend stood on stage, where you had to pay to get a glimpse of the person you used to hold everyday, being nothing but a fan amongst the thousands of other people

 

”I’m sorry, it was too loud so I left, and I don’t plan on going back” Guanlin plainly replied, hands in his pocket, avoiding eye contact with Daehwi who was most likely pouting, “do you understand how much this means to me! I came all the way here, spent all my savings to finally meet these two very important people to me, especially Jinyoung, and now you want to bail on me? That’s so unfair Guanlin, there’s nothing more I want than to thank Jinyoung for making me smile, and be happy, please come...” the smaller boy begged desperately.

 

Maybe if Park Jihoon wasn’t there, Guanlin would have easily obliged, but he couldn’t face him. How humiliating would it be, Jihoon would laugh at him, the fact that he’s forgotten about him, but Guanlin went to his fanmeet? Absolutely embarrassing 

 

 

“Daehwi please, just go by yourself..”

 

Daehwi didn’t budge, grabbing Guanlin’s elbow to turn him around, “but you promised Guanlin”

 

And he was right, he did promise the smaller boy he would go. He wasn’t the type to not keep his word, knowing the guilt would eat him, “fine, I’ll go”

 

 

_Unlike Park Jihoon, Guanlin kept his promises_

 

+

 

It was ridiculous at how quickly Jinyoung’s face fell when he saw the blonde boy who shone to him from everyone run out of the hall, knowing he won’t see him again. The way the boy kept clinging onto the taller boy, smiling with his Jinyoung banners, wearing the same outfit Jinyoung had worn one day, sometimes it weirds Jinyoung out

 

But when it came down to seeing the blonde boy resemble his style, it made Jinyoung’s heart flutter somehow, was it weird? Was it weird that Jinyoung always complained about how it made him cringe when his fans wore exactly what he wore, but suddenly this boy made Jinyoung look at him from an endearing perspective? Maybe it was, but Jinyoung didn’t care, he just wanted to see the pretty boy again, the face behind the unknown name

 

 

Whilst Jinyoung waited in the waiting room, he noticed Jihoon wasn’t in the brightest of moods either, narrowing his  eyes at the shorter male, “what’s up with you? See a saesang or something?” Jinyoung joked, frowning when Jihoon didn’t react at all

 

 

There were too many thoughts and questions clouding his mind, all leading back to Lai Guanlin. Was Guanlin mad at him still? If he was, why would he show up to his fansign? The fact that Jihoon saw the younger boy at the least expected place wasn’t what shocked him, it’s the situation itself.

 

Jihoon should’ve been in Guanlin’s arms, they could’ve been so happy together, but Guanlin was behind a string, held by security guards, only way to get to Jihoon, _if_ he wanted to. Jihoon felt uncomfortable knowing the boy he used to come home to everyday was now at his fansign, having to pay to get here

 

 

Although Guanlin seemed emotionless, he was still as stunning as ever, even more. His porcelain skin stood out, his tall lean figure struck out to Jihoon, thinking back to the way it felt to wrap himself up in the younger’s body, he felt so warm and safe.

 

 

_Jihoon’s never felt such security, not even with the tens of guards always following him around, none will make him feel secure the way he did in Lai Guanlin’s arms_

 

 

“Nothing, I think I ate something nasty and I just don’t feel too good,” Jihoon lied, sinking in his seat. Thinking back to the way Guanlin’s eyes met with his own after a year, how his heart lept, no one will make him feel thousands of emotions at once the way Guanlin did to him. He felt dizzy, and he wanted to throw up, “Jihoon you didn’t eat shit yesterday or today, stop lying and eat something too”

 

 

_April 2016_

_”Guanlin this isn’t even a big deal!” Jihoon sighed, throwing his hands in the air as Guanlin kept frowning at him, shaking his head, “this is a big fucking deal, bigger than my cock”_

_Jihoon didn’t need to know that, shaking the image away from his head to focus on the tall dramatic boy, “you’re a child stop talking about those things”_

_”And you’re my baby, stop losing weight!” Guanlin exasperated, pinning Jihoon down to the bed, toppling over his body, “you piece of shit you lost .4 kg, how could you? You can’t do that, you’re supposed to gain weight and eat all your favorite foods, we can’t lose your precious cheeks-“ Guanlin stopped to press his lips onto his boyfriend’s face, each lingering with his shut eyes. Tracing his lips down to capture the elder’s lips for a short and sweet kiss, “Guanlin it’s not even anything..” Jihoon mumbled against Guanlin’s chapped lips, wrapping his legs over the boy’s waist, chests glued together_

 

_“Point is, that’s a lot, I don’t like it when you don’t eat properly, I don’t like it when you forget your meals, it makes me upset, and you don’t want me upset right?” Guanlin murmured against Jihoon’s slick glossed lips, removing his lips to attach them to his boyfriend’s jaw, hearing the elder sigh in content_

 

 

_”No, I never want you upset”_

 

_”Then please make sure to eat and take care of yourself, or I’ll-“ Guanlin paused to think hard, furrowing his brows together, the sight was cute to Jihoon “or I-I’ll I-I’ll uhm do something bad!”_

 

 

_Jihoon erupted into fits of giggles, cupping his boyfriend’s soft cheeks to bring him down for another chaste kiss, the laughter never dying down, “hmm what’s the bad thing you’ll do, my bad boy?” Jihoon smirked against Guanlin’s lips in a teasing tone, swiping his tongue across Guanlin’s bottom lip, hearing him groan_

 

_”I’ll stop kissing you” the younger boy threatened in a serious tone, whispering in Jihoon’s mouth, making the smaller boy’s eyes widen, gasping into Guanlin’s mouth_

 

_”You wouldn’t”_

 

 

By now Jihoon’s palms were sweaty, shirt messed up from fisting into it as he thought back to his memories with Guanlin

 

He would do anything to be back into his arms, would do anything to feel Guanlin’s warm lips against his, the way he’d hold onto him securely. Guanlin’s always wore the brightest smile when he held Jihoon, even when Jihoon couldn’t see him, he could feel the younger boy’s smile burning through his soul

 

 

”Jihoon-ah, we have to change your shirt again..” his stylist mumbled in an annoyed tone, walking back to bring him back a new fit, “what’s up with you? What’s gotten to your head? You've been down ever since you got here, I thought you’d be so happy to be back in your hometown, but turns out you look like you want to leave as soon as possible...” Jinyoung spoke up again, taking a seat beside Jihoon

 

 

Jihoon wanted to cry, why’d Guanlin ever have to be in his life? Why’d Guanlin ever have to encounter such a shitty person like himself, maybe it wouldn’t have hurt as much, because right now his limbs felt numb, his whole body shutting down on him

 

 

“I’m pretty sure I saw my ex boyfriend here”

 

+

 

Once again Guanlin found himself in an uncompromising position, surrounded by hyperventilating Park Jihoon fans, why couldn’t Daehwi like another idols?

 

Did Jihoon feel the same way he did when they acknowledged each other? Did his heart race too? Guanlin’s heart didn’t race because he was flustered, moresoever he was mortified, he felt suffocated, all the drained out memories returned. Guanlin was overthinking, why would Jihoon feel anything? He’s probably long moved on, he probably never thinks about them, or him. And that was the saddest part, Guanlin wanted to be remembered

 

 

_May 2016_

 

_”I can’t believe the biggest Starbucks anti Park Jihoon dragged me here today..” Guanlin sung, slinging his arms over Jihoon’s shoulders to pull him close, at least people won’t suspect anything with a gesture like that, Guanlin wanted to hold his hand but refrained himself_

 

_”I’m only bringing you here because you worked hard today and deserve a treat,” Jihoon scoffed, looking up to smile softly at the pale boy who always wore a grin on his pretty face. If Jihoon could, he’d reach his hands out to pull the boy in for a sweet kiss, mentally sighing sadly, “you could’ve just shown your appreciation with those lips of yours baby” Guanlin smirked, puckering his lips in a teasing manner, causing Jihoon to roll his eyes_

 

_”The only thing that’ll come out these lips are my spit on your face because you’re full of shit Guanlin, appreciate my efforts”_

 

_”Is spitting a kink of yours?” Guanlin raised his eyebrows, grinning when he noticed Jihoon’s ears becoming a tinted shade of red, “Guanlin shut up before I push you in front of that truck”_

 

_”Okay midget hyung, I’d love to see you try”_

 

_”I wanna kiss you so badly but I can’t, I’m annoyed” Jihoon scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, huffing as he walked with Guanlin glued to his side. The younger hummed in agreement, “well a kiss comes with consequences, so let’s let keep it in your pants yeah?” Guanlin joked, earning a smack from Jihoon_

 

_After trying to order the ridiculously long and precise drink Guanlin always got, failing to pronounce the obscene words they speak in Starbucks langauge, Jihoon’s eyes began to droop as he watched the barista prepare it_

 

_”Tired baby?” Guanlin whispered in Jihoon’s ear, looking around before he rubbed down Jihoon’s arm in attempts to comfort him, hearing the older boy let out a yawn, grinning softly at how endearing Jihoon was. Everything Jihoon did, from breathing to burping to yawning, it all made Guanlin happy, making him so enraptured, “s’tired, when we get back, cuddle me please”_

 

_”You don’t have to ask me twice Park Jihoon”_

 

_Smiling tiredly at the younger boy, Jihoon turned his face towards the worker again, pinching the bridge of his nose as he watched the extremely long process_

 

_“Drink for Park Guanlin! Drink for Park Guanlin!” the barista yelled out, making Jihoon’s head perk up upon hearing the name, cheeks flushed as he slowly turned to see Guanlin sheepishly smiling, “Park Guanlin, really?” Jihoon muttered, watching Guanlin shrug as he walked to get his drink_

 

_”You’ll be my future husband one day”_

 

 

_”You literally came out the womb yesterday, stop talking about marriage” Jihoon chuckled, shaking his head as he watched Guanlin struggle to open the straw, fiddling with the wrapper, nearly poking his eye, yes Jihoon loved his dumb boy_

 

_Just as Guanlin was about to sip the drink, Jihoon quickly grabbed it out of his hand, eyes widening as he examined it, “what the-“ the pale boy questioned dumbfounded, eyeing Jihoon as he walked away with his drink_

 

_A minute later Jihoon was back with his drink, smiling widely, “here, they forgot to put the caramel swirly thing you like on your complicated drink”_

 

_Guanlin’s lips opened, gaping at the older boy in front of him, it wasn’t that much of a big gesture, probably means nothing to others, but the fact that his boyfriend remembered the most simple and small details about him, it made his heart soften, secretly wrapping his pinky around his boyfriend’s smaller ones, smiling softly down at the shorter male, in the packed cafe_

 

_”I can’t believe you’d remember something like t-that...” Guanlin whispered, staring lovingly at his boyfriend_

 

_”Of course I’d remember, I remember all the little things about you baby, because they’re all important to me”_

 

 

 

+

 

It shouldn’t have made Jinyoung so excited, it shouldn’t have made his smile enlarge within milliseconds, but as soon as he came back out, his eyes fell upon the bright boy with the beaming smile, causing his heart to flutter again

 

His eyes were fixed on the cheerful boy, seeing him swing his body and bob his head to their new song, as if it were his own concert, Jinyoung was completely entranced, titling his head to the side to examine the boy better. He had to admit, he pulled off his clothes better than himself, eyeing him down, who was still dancing like he was in his own little world, while the same tall boy from earlier looked like he wanted to shoot himself 

 

Jinyoung could just picture the blonde boy begging and forcing the annoyed boy to come here, probably even tried aegyo on him. Jinyoung wasn’t a fan of aegyo, yet he was willing to see this boy he doesn’t know of to do some aegyo sets

 

 

Jihoon still looked lost behind him, eyes glued to the floor, making Jinyoung alert. “Smile for the crowd asshole, your fansites are going to get half ass depressing pictures of you” the younger boy hissed, nudging the smaller boy

 

 

But Jihoon couldn’t look up, he knew Guanlin was somewhere in the crowd, and he could never muster the courage to look at him. He didn’t deserve to look at Lai Guanlin

 

 

“The Hi-Touch will begin in two minutes, please stand in a single file line” the mc announced, as Guanlin covered his ears, shutting his eyes from the deafening screams. Beside him, Lee Daehwi was bubbling and bouncing with excitement, flailing his arms and his Jinyoung picket in the air, hugging Guanlin

 

 

“I’m going to meet the love of my life, Bae Jinyoung...” Daehwi said in a dreamy tone, sighing, “can you believe it Guanlin? I’m really meeting the love of my life, don’t you wish you could relate?”

 

_Guanlin could relate, he was meeting the once love of his life_

 

 

+

 

Daehwi was excited the whole time until it had hit him that he was going to be face to face interacting with the actual Bae Jinyoung, also the love of his life. So maybe that’s what caused his anxiety to rise, suddenly activating as he wanted to turn away and run away the way Guanlin had previously done 

 

 

“Woah woah, where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Guanlin hissed, jabbing his index finger into Daehwi’s chest, who looked up at him with puppy like eyes, “I’m going home, I can’t do this..” the boy whispered, making Guanlin’s eyes widen in disbelief, but also concern, because there was no way Lee Daehwi who wouldn’t shut the fuck up about meeting this boy, dragging him here would now think of leaving 

 

“What the fuck?” Guanlin blurted out accidentally, clasping his hand over his mouth, “I can’t, I’ll mess up and he’ll find me annoying and I’ll ruin his day and-“

 

”Lee. Fucking. Daehwi. You are meeting this small faced fucker, and you’re going to confess you’re undenying love for him, and you’re going to make him whipped for you just the way you drew me in with your bright personality. There is _no_ way someone- a normal human being could hate you, and if that piece of shit gets annoyed, his face can have a meet greet with my fist, _besides_ , it’s bigger than his face anyways-“ Guanlin stopped to laugh, making Daehwi gasp, smacking the taller boy but grinning as well.

 

 

Surprisingly Guanlin calmed him down, relaxing his shoulders as he turned back to watch Jinyoung, feeling his breath hitch in his throat when he noticed the boy staring at him too, turning away quickly when caught

 

_Oh my god_

 

Just as Daehwi was about to squeal, he felt his body being pulled by a guard, pushing him up the steps. And this was finally the moment, seeing Jinyoung look at him with expectant eyes

 

 

_Deep breaths Daehwi, deep breaths_

 

 

 

”Nice outfit you’ve got there...” Jinyoung began, startling Daehwi because, _fuck_ Bae Jinyoung was actually speaking to him, causing Daehwi to blush, “y-yeah, sorry if you think it’s weir-“

 

Jinyoung quickly cut him off, widening his eyes, “n-no no! You pull it off better than me, you look cute!” Jinyoung shut his eyes, ignoring the way his heart lept when he called the unknown boy cute, looking up to see the boy beaming, _he had a gorgeous smile,_ Jinyoung mentally noted “I’m Lee Daehwi, and I think you’re cuter, in fact the cutest in the world-“ the boy stopped to giggle, while Jinyoung couldn’t contain the rapid pacing of his heart, “you must hear this a lot, but I really wanted to tell you that I adore you a lot, and even though I don’t personally know you, I care about you a lot! Please remember to eat a lot and rest as much as you can, I know it’s hard to do any of those, but try, it’s worrying to know how stressed you guys may be, and I want my favorite person in the world healthy always!” Daehwi stopped to look at the ground, cheeks a deep shade of red

 

Jinyoung’s never believed words fans told him, but for once he believed everything Lee Daehwi had to say about him, for once feeling like someone genuinely cared about him rather than his visuals, no one’s ever told him to stay healthy, always treating him like a puppet to do something sexy. But instead this boy dedicated his time to remind Jinyoung to take of himself?

 

”...if I could, I would make sure you’re eating lots and sleeping well, but unfortunately I can’t, so I’m trusting you to take well care of yourself, there’s so much I want to say, but thank you for making me smile, for helping me become more confident in myself. It was nice seeing you grow and develop, especially with your confidence, it influenced me to start being more confident in my own skin, and I hope you realize how amazing you are and the talent and potential you have, I’ll continue supporting you. Here’s uhm, here’s a letter or pages of them for you since I can’t fit all my words in one go, I uhm, sorry if I’m rambling I doubt you’ll read it-“

 

 

Jinyoung cut him off quickly, gulping down on his dry throat, too entranced by the boy and his words, “d-don’t worry, I promise to read it, thank you for being by my side Daehwi”

 

 

”Thank you for letting me support you Jinyoung-ssi”

 

+

 

 

Guanlin was next, he didn’t know these boys. Well, he definitely knew Park Jihoon, but he didn’t know their content, their music, nothing about them, so he felt out of place and awkward 

 

 

His nerves were getting the best of him, watching Daehwi fondle over the boy he idolizes, watching the two intertwine their hands together, smiling brightly before Daehwi was pushed away by security 

 

 

It was finally his turn to meet his nightmare, eyes trailing towards Jihoon to see him look down at the table the whole time. Maybe Jihoon was upset to see him, Guanlin could say the same for him

 

”Hi, and who do I make this out to?” the boy with the small face asked, as Guanlin stared at Jihoon, not noticing the boy tapping him, “h-huh?”

 

 

Instead the boy laughed, shaking his head “we have a Park Jihoon fan here don’t we?” the boy smirked at Guanlin, while he wanted to gag, heart leaping upon hearing his name, noticing Jihoon shifting in his seat, “not really” Guanlin snapped, causing Jinyoung to be taken back, “Lai Guanlin, make it out to him”

 

 

The boy didn’t say anything, still taken back from Guanlin’s snappish behavior, signing quickly as Guanlin carelessly stood in front of the boy he used to kiss and love with all his heart. Jihoon wouldn’t look up, breathing hard as Guanlin’s presence made him stiff, ducking his head further down, until Jinyoung pinched him under the table 

 

As soon as he slowly raised his head, he was met by none other than his best friend, ex boyfriend Lai Guanlin, and the world began spinning, his head hurt, his heart hurt. He wanted to throw up, he shouldn’t be in this position, he shouldn’t have ever signed up to be an idol, he should’ve been Guanlin’s boyfriend now, should’ve been by his side, not Guanlin in front of him as a fan, who knows if he was

 

”G-Guanlin?” Jihoon whispered, breath hitched in his throat as he felt the lump grow, letting all of Guanlin’s beautiful features settle in his eyes, he couldn’t believe he lost someone so amazing as him, heart about to burst out his chest, hearing Guanlin bitterly chuckle 

 

_”Surprised idol boy even remembers my name”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ORJEKSKSKSKS PANWINK???? MY TWT IS @guanlinsjihoon come AT ME


End file.
